Sweet Surrender
*CHAPTER 1*
*CHAPTER 1*
He held her hands as he slapped her with the back of his hand.
"Fucking BITCH!!" he shouted as she screamed and cried. This happens often, every time they set eyes onto each other. This made me feel guilty. At moments like this i often wished i was far, far away. It was moments like this that made me feel useless, the way they fought openly, the way i know that this must be stopped, but being unable to make a change. It has just made me hate myself even more for being such a coward, seeing my family being torn to shreds but being unable to save it. But here i sat, in the corner of my room, pretending to be absorbed in my reading, trying to convince myself that if i focus hard enough, i wouldn't notice the screaming and the shouting.
*chapter 2 coming soon!!~*
"What's your problem?!" I listened mom scream at the top of her lungs.
"What's MY problem?! I should be the one asking YOU that question, bitch!" dad's words spitted out like acid. I wondered how mom was able to cope with this everyday. With this thought, i actually felt safe, that i wasn't the one in her shoes. But still, being under the age of eighteen, I'm still considered a child, a mere fledgling, who was i to judge anyone, especially my mom?
It was only awhile that i realized that the screaming and the shouting had stopped, i couldn't hear dad's voice anymore. But i could still hear the sobbing from mom, i figured that dad must have went out to get drunk again. I went out of my room, sneaking and being careful to be quiet in case dad was still home. When i looked down from the second story of my house, i was able to see mom (alone, luckily) sobbing on her knees, her face red from all the crying and screaming. Her hair tangled and messy from all the pulling and beating. Silently, i walked down towards her, she didn't notice me, i stood behind her for awhile. I thought of the happy time we all had long before this when i was younger. Unconsciously, a tear flowed down my cheeks. Slowly, as if the Earth's gravity was to strong for me, i dropped down on my knees, feeling the need of support and the need to support, i put my hands around her just above her shoulders and hugged her. Before i knew it, I was sobbing with her. Without thinking, i said,
"Mom... I don't think I'm able to get through this anymore, it hurts me so much, the way we are now,"
"I know. Honey, be strong... For me, kay?" mom said in between tears.
"But.."
"Shh...Shh..." Mom silenced me while gently caressing my head and wiping my tears. Then suddenly, as if my lungs weren't carrying enough oxygen to support me, my face felt hot, then the incident that i have buried into the depths of my mind unearthed itself, swallowing myself whole. I remembered about the times where times were a lot better. Where we we're all happy, until that incident and it was my fault, i was to blame for everything....
I have an elder brother, Dean, and i love him dearly. He was my idol, my inspiration. He was the star of the family, everyone depended on him. I depended on him the most. And now i look at him, defenseless. Silently fighting his own battle, without me in the front lines with him. His consciousness locked away within his own body, surrounded by useless 'modern' machines, getting fed by tubes, defecating and relieving himself where he sleeps. He's no longer the Dean i know."What's MY problem?! I should be the one asking YOU that question, bitch!" dad's words spitted out like acid. I wondered how mom was able to cope with this everyday. With this thought, i actually felt safe, that i wasn't the one in her shoes. But still, being under the age of eighteen, I'm still considered a child, a mere fledgling, who was i to judge anyone, especially my mom?
It was only awhile that i realized that the screaming and the shouting had stopped, i couldn't hear dad's voice anymore. But i could still hear the sobbing from mom, i figured that dad must have went out to get drunk again. I went out of my room, sneaking and being careful to be quiet in case dad was still home. When i looked down from the second story of my house, i was able to see mom (alone, luckily) sobbing on her knees, her face red from all the crying and screaming. Her hair tangled and messy from all the pulling and beating. Silently, i walked down towards her, she didn't notice me, i stood behind her for awhile. I thought of the happy time we all had long before this when i was younger. Unconsciously, a tear flowed down my cheeks. Slowly, as if the Earth's gravity was to strong for me, i dropped down on my knees, feeling the need of support and the need to support, i put my hands around her just above her shoulders and hugged her. Before i knew it, I was sobbing with her. Without thinking, i said,
"Mom... I don't think I'm able to get through this anymore, it hurts me so much, the way we are now,"
"I know. Honey, be strong... For me, kay?" mom said in between tears.
"But.."
"Shh...Shh..." Mom silenced me while gently caressing my head and wiping my tears. Then suddenly, as if my lungs weren't carrying enough oxygen to support me, my face felt hot, then the incident that i have buried into the depths of my mind unearthed itself, swallowing myself whole. I remembered about the times where times were a lot better. Where we we're all happy, until that incident and it was my fault, i was to blame for everything....
*chapter 2 coming soon!!~*
